CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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