Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
