Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
