just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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