OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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