YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize