Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
