I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
