pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
