Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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