yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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