Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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