Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
