I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
