It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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