Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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