Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
