ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
