I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
