Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The dick lei will go down in squad history
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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