sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
