I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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