and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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