So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
