I'm so fucking centered right now
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
