There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
