Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
