we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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