i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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