i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
