I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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