I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
