im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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