my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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