haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
