bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
