curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
