yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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