NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
