i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
