True but thats because hes a fetus.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
