honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I sprained my soul last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
