Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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