I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
