He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
