...so i touched it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
