I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
