I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
