Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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