he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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