I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
