"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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