I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
