Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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