She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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