He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
