He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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