yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
pray to the hookup gods
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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