hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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