Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How's work?
Spinning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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