she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
