I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
