This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
