You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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